Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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