I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
True strength comes from lack of pants
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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