if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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