i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
