I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
