Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
