Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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