dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
