i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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