hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
