I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
