tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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