thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize