don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think my moral compass just broke
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