I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
