the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
