Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
