I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
