And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize