1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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