he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize