They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
