I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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