It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
