He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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