the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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