Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
