kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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