I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
