its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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