where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
