So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This is my gift to your gina
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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