I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
