Umm I'm too high to move.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
MIDGETS
????
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
