Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
