At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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