its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize