Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
