bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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