Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
