You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
