Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
