he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
