About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize