Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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