my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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