I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
