I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
