im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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