I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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