I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize