bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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