I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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