I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
