last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize