i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
