Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
