Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
