he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
