So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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