Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
