Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
