I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
ttyl tear gas
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
