break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
