my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
im about as happy as oj after his trial
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
