saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
what day is it and did you see me today?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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