I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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