wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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