So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
