Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
