The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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