Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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