there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
