Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
