I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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