I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
