My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
