the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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