got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
