So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
