Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
