today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
