i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
