just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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