I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
