He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
