every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
