I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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