just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
True college students do jello shots in the library
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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