I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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