two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize