I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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