I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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