oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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