I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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