If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
