So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
