so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
