Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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