Where is the hickey?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
