the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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